Reposted from Tim Richardson
When Frustration Turns to Understanding
Agitated by the lack of expediency. Frustrated by long lines. Annoyed at the inefficiency of the store procedures. Then, the lady in front of me in the grocery line was taking forever to get her items out of the cart. So, to pass the time, I read the ridiculous magazine cover promises and headlines. The one I wanted to see was, “How to Navigate the Incredible Inefficiency of Your Local Grocery Store!” There was no one to help her unload the groceries from a cart overflowing with food, drinks, and household items.
I sighed and muttered under my breath, “This is ridiculous.”
She turned toward me with a sad look. She was young. She had piercing blue eyes.
And for the first time, I really looked at her. Then I noticed her hands – curled from palsy.
From Frustration to Empathy a Change of Heart
My frustration turned to embarrassment. My agitation was replaced by empathy. My annoyance turned into action.
As I began to help her unload her groceries, I woke up. It had all been a dream. But it stayed with me all day. The frustration, agitation, and annoyance I sometimes have is totally real. Acting in that way would have been very natural if this situation had really happened. I write and speak about pausing. Pausing to notice. Pausing to listen. Pausing before responding. And certainly, pausing to understand. The truth is, I am often agitated by things like the slow driver in front of me, the lack of understanding of simple directions, or the inefficiencies of people and businesses I interact with. In Stephen Covey’s acclaimed bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there’s a principle I often quote: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Yet once again, I failed to live what I teach. I didn’t stop to consider the other person. That dream reminded me that empathy often hides behind inconvenience. When we pause long enough to see others, our irritation can transform into understanding and our perspective changes everything.
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