Reposted from Tim Richardson
Preventing Toxicity: A Leadership Lesson from an Apple Pie Disaster
Starting in the late 1990s, I began making an award-winning El Niño Apple Pie at Thanksgiving. It was a recipe I found in USA Today in October 1998. The first time I made it, I picked the apples from a tree in front of my grandparents’ mountainside home. I made the crust from scratch and topped it with a cranberry oatmeal streusel under the watchful eye of my grandmother.
The Power of a Simple Metaphor
One year, though, I made a toxic apple pie. Let me explain. My cousin had stayed at our family home a few weeks before Thanksgiving and, unbeknownst to me, spilled something in the oven while cooking. To clean it, she used an industrial-strength product – truly heroic in power – but didn’t properly wipe it down or rinse the residue. When I baked my pie, all that cleaner odor was absorbed into my beautiful culinary creation. When my niece tasted it, she immediately dubbed it “the toxic apple pie.” It’s been a running family joke ever since.
Toxicity Doesn’t Start Big—It Starts Unnoticed
Lately, I’ve been thinking about that pie and how easily the whole situation could have been avoided if the toxic cleaner had simply been cleaned up quickly. It’s a lot like toxic relationships. Maybe you’ve had one. Toxic relationships at work rarely appear out of nowhere. They’re usually the result of deeper organizational issues that go unaddressed (just like the unseen mess left in the oven). Some of the most common causes include:
The effects of toxic relationships can be incredibly harmful to morale. They can lead to turnover, disengagement, quiet quitting, loss of productivity, chronic stress and anxiety, absenteeism, and even challenging behaviors toward customers. In extreme cases, toxicity can escalate into aggression or violence. And toxicity isn’t limited to workplaces. It can split families, damage lifelong friendships, and create deep rifts between siblings. It can lead to arguments, alienation, and even permanent separation or divorce.
Clean Up Early, Clean Up Often The solution, while not always easy, is simple:
Clean up your messes as soon as possible. Just like the oven, relationships require maintenance – before small messes turn into toxic ones. Healthy relationships at work and at home don’t require perfection. They require attention. Address small messes early. Apologize when needed. Forgive when possible. Learn from your mistakes. Do everything you can not to repeat them. And stay committed to keeping your “oven” clean so the people around you can thrive.
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